Yep, the male gender must eat meat balls otherwise, well, their testicles suffer egregiously.

Another thing men need to do at least one or two hours a week is barbecue. And I’m not talking s’mores for the kids or freaking vegetable/tofu kebabs. Manly barbecue, as everyone knows, must feature hot dogs – extra large hot dogs or sausages. Also, please note, cooking a generous slab of steak will send your testosterone through the roof. But remember, if an erection lasts for more than two or three days, you should go to the hospital.

At all times, men must wear as much leather as possible. Belts, shoes, boots, jackets, vests, and if you can find some cool ones, hats. No self-respecting man should ever wear rubber sandals or Keds. And men should never ever wear the most pussy substance on earth: Pleather. (Don’t forget, guys, you also need leather seats in the car and leather furniture in the house. And certainly a real man’s best friend doesn’t wear a nylon collar.)

Speaking of pussy, there are some pussy doctors and researchers out there who say that eating meat balls, hot dogs, corn dogs, sausages and the rest of the manly cuisine causes heart disease. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They say it’s loaded with cholesterol and saturated fat. Blah, blah, blah.

They’ve even said that erectile dysfunction is the first sign of heart disease. One doctor called “ED” the “canary in the coal mine.”

Whatever.

— A Vicious Vegan blog post —